Video 5

Vedic Christianity · Class 5 · Practice of the Presence of God · Swami Chidbrahmananda

and love seems so far away only take me [Music] let me forget all else but [Music] to find my comfortable in those things that pass away only take me to this [Music] all this for thee will pass [Music] let me remember the brighter ones the brighter one oh my lord don't let me wander from thy shining light just a fall of fire is [Music] let me forget [Music] thee will pass [Music] let me remember the brighter [Music] hmm so so [Music] the light that is [Music] eternal death [Music] between it is [Music] it is [Applause] [Music] the silence between [Music] between two faces [Music] it is [Music] is [Music] between [Music] return [Music] foreign [Music] is [Music] so i'm gonna keep the lights on wow okay all right as we continue on with our study of the practice of the presence of god as read by a vedantist as understood by practitioners of the sanatana dharma that's the angle that we're coming from and i'll just refresh from that point because it seems to be a part a point that a lot of people have interesting ideas about but the notion that we're coming from is that uh the sanatana dharma this eternal religion that it can it can manifest or all of the religions all of the lasting religions anywhere in the world have that seed within them they contain the sanatana dharma this eternal religion and that's what gives them their staying power and the scriptures describe this sanatana dharma as being a gem or a jewel with many facets on it and that each of the world's religions is a facet of that gem so no one facet describes the whole gem or holds the whole gem but through any facet the brilliance of the gem can be fully appreciated can be fully enjoyed and so when i name a class something like vedic christianity it's just playing with the different facets of the gem but looking through them and not paying so much attention to the facet but to the luster of the gem and to go in and to to appreciate the faith of someone in a different practice a different tradition and to nurture our own and to to really uh build that sense of brotherhood and that sense of relationship respect um uh and love between ideals that share much more than what they don't and to really lean heavy on the idea that love is the most important thing you know all of the religions and all of the great religious teachers have said that and so i think in a small part this is a move in that direction to say that love is the most important thing and to focus on that and to build a practice around that to build a world view around that and to build an individual life around that and that is what led me to brother lawrence because his practice is so pure and so simple it doesn't require dogmas or doctrines it doesn't require particular beliefs yes he's in love with jesus yes he sees that ideal yes he's inspired by that and speaks in terms of those mythologies and those scriptures but he's not limited by that because his love for jesus is the same as a buddhist's love for the dharma for the sangha for the teacher and it's the same for the vedantist and his love for the guru or for shiva or for rama or for krishna or ramakrishna and that all of these teachers have expressed love in touching and lasting ways which is why after thousands of years we can rattle off their names unlike most other people who have lived and why do we remember a jesus and a buddha and a ramakrishna it's definitely without a doubt because of the love that they expressed in their lives because of the kindness of their hearts because of the breadth and depth of their minds and so in that in that vein and with the mother's blessing let us center our mind and pray for truth pray for understanding but more than anything to pray for the growth of love that's without reason without cause a love that is because it is what we are and it is it is the whole of the story we're going to start off in the fourth conversation uh tonight one of the problems with having these classes so far apart is you know i can't keep up with where we are so we're starting on the fourth conversation tonight it says that uh brother lawrence uh discussed with this uh biographer here he said he discoursed with me very frequently and with great openness of heart concerning his manner of going to god whereof some part is related already and again already we're just presented with certain characteristics that are just kind of casually laid out there about this man this man with great openness of heart someone with great openness of heart you know ramakrishna talked about guilelessness being a very important characteristic of a seeker of god someone whose mind is is not uh calculating about well what will this action produce uh what you know will these words produce not not running a a you know a a a show of some kind or a presentation of some kind you know it's it's interesting i you know growing up in in the west here i i learned to have a business face i learned to have my social face you know i learned to have my family face and would react very differently in all of those circumstances but guilelessness is simply being who you are at all times not complex not calculating not manipulating not trying to create an image being very unconcerned about an image being very unconcerned about what people around us are thinking about us but simply having our confidence in that relationship with love in that relationship with the beloved and from that relationship we find our security and our strength to simply be in the world and to not make it more complex than that not to start keeping tallies of who treats us how or what we can get from who and where we go from there so with great openness of heart concerning his manner of going to god where if some part has been given already he told me that all consists in one hearty renunciation of everything which are sensible and does not and do not lead to god this is this is the thing right here this this is what pure love requires in order for us to get rid of our calculating tables to get rid of our accounting sheets in our relationships and in life we have to make this one hearty renunciation of all things sensible of all things that come through the senses through the body why because they are the thing that make us feel a sense of lack they are the thing that prevent us from being content in the moment they are the thing that convinces us that we need to be calculating to get ahead in the world or that we need to be uh pretentious to be seen in a in a particular light that we have to hide parts of ourself and and reveal others to our benefit and that's the whole idea behind this renunciation it's throwing away things that do not last you know it's going through the refrigerator and being willing to get rid of the things that have spoiled you know and then and then just get so full of uh the idea of renunciation that you just empty everything in the fridge and clean it out completely but this notion of being utterly free you know having nothing in the way nothing that you need nothing that you want nothing that you're longing for nothing that you're looking for that you are able to go inside and through the silence of your mind and the peace of your inner world to find a space for yourself that emanates the love that you are that reveals to you the image of god that he planted or she planted there eons ago at the beginning if there was such a thing of this creation of this imagining of this play that is in front of us even at this moment so he says that everything consists in this one hearty renunciation you know ramakrishna also said that at one point he said if you can right now make a full renunciation of all things sensible sensuous you can have your realization that's all it takes and what does he mean by that that means letting your yes be yes near no be no all right it's you saying right now no i don't want to do that and not letting the mind revisit the subject because the mind is not you you've done the work and have found that separation you know your your sense of self is separate from mind and all of its machinations all of its thoughts all of its plans all of its thinkings all of its memories you know and all of the desires that those memories cause us to ruminate about a future about it's it's that it's knowing who you are being well defined in that uh knowing because of that you're able to separate out those things that belong to you and those things that belong to body and belong to mind and that we have to do it with one hearty swoop a full-hearted swoop uh get our entire self on board so that we don't tell ourselves stories you know what happens what i mean by that is that when you don't say no what you're doing is giving a part of your identity to the mind or to the body whichever one that you're listening to whichever one is presenting a set of desires to you you're sharing your sense of i well that sense of i is your power that sense of i is the battery of your life that keeps you going and when you split that eye you become two people inside and we see that we can you can see that very clearly in your own mind you begin arguing with yourself there's a side of you that's saying no don't do it you said you weren't going to do it and then the other side was like yeah but you know it's not such a big deal you know i've done really well this week i can i can i can reward myself this way or that way you become two people and that should be an alarming state of being when you've become two people that's a big giant red flag that means you're moving away from unity you're moving into the multiplicity and we know from swami vivekananda that anything that goes toward the multiplicity is vice and everything that takes us toward unity toward oneness is virtue and you can take a look at the list of all of the deadly sins and see that that's true all of those deadly sins are all of those unhelpful let's let's take it out of that language all of those things that are unhelpful to spiritual realization are the things that make you more than one person inside and when you go to battle inside you see there's this sense of uh well let's put it this way when you've broken into two people when you've split your sense of eye and shared it with the mind and with the body and maybe you gave them more than you keep for yourself you know which makes them stronger and this this starts producing stories of weakness you know and we don't like being weak but we we we can play it you know we there's a there's a period in spiritual life where you think your weakness is the cause for god's mercy you know that your weakness is is made up because of god's love which is very true but the weakness isn't necessary for that you don't have to be weak to to be in love with the beloved or to grow in faith in the nature of pure love if a nature of a pure love that's not related to a cause or to a need and so this breaking up this this reunifying that inner self is the act of renouncing everything that breaks you into two renouncing everything that causes you to argue inside with yourself to take back that sense of i because ultimately there is no weakness there's only unused to strength and what i mean by that is when you split your sense of eye and share it with the other components of the mind body construct that you give away your access to a certain amount of strength because that strength is tied to that sense of being to that sense of i that is-ness and what happens is if you have a particularly dastardly mind the mind will then you'll ride into battle thinking i'm going to fight to do the right thing right but there's part of you that really doesn't want to do the right thing part of you wants to sleep in this morning and not go to the shrine so you're sitting there and you're you're you know you're arguing with yourself and you're like no i'm going to do this i'm going to do this i'm going to do this and you sit there and you fight for 10 or 15 minutes and you look at the clock it's like oh i'm already 15 minutes late i'll just i'll just go ahead and stay i'll just go ahead and stay in bed i hope you know everybody will be meditating anyway they won't notice you know these things that you you if you ride into battle it's because you want to lose because there's no necessity for that battle you are one person you are only the i you are the sole proprietor of i am within you if you split that and then go into war it's because you want to lose but you know that you can't just go and do the wrong thing immediately because that doesn't make it past the sensors right that doesn't make it past the the eye that's still remaining in the self it's like no you can't quite do that so what do you do well you fight long enough to feel good about having fought and i yeah i lost i you know i was vanquished but i put up a good fight i am sincere there is something real in me i did want to do this oh well and then we fall into a cycle because that cycle never happens just a single time once you've started using that as a means of getting both ends of the cow as it were you know it becomes it becomes your your state of being you accept being two people you accept the argument inside you accept your weakness and you've made an allotment for an occasional fall or departure from your integrity and once you've accepted that you can't see god you can't feel god inside because you've got this noise going on now you've got this argument going on and there's that same side of you that can't sit in peace in front of the divine in in front of the thought of god because you don't feel pure there's a part of you that always knows the truth because you are that divine image right you are that divine image and when there's untruth in you you know it and you can't be at peace with it and you can't in good conscience sit before the shrine or to sit in prayer or to sit in meditation with the image of the beloved within and so it's the ruiner of everything everything that we're looking for so brother lawrence is telling us right up front everything consists in one hearty renunciation of everything which we are sensible does not lead to god anything that does not lead us to that oneness to that inner peace to that path of strength anything that does not come from wisdom and unity we renounce it immediately no and you don't let it come back again for another question that is lack of faith in yourself and in the divine you know i have this this funny thing that i that i always harp on it says when you pray for something oh we pray again and again and again why are you praying again and again and again for this thing who in there didn't hear you the first time you know who who in that conversation wasn't aware of what needed to happen be faithful let your yes be yes and your no be no so that you can use all of the strength that has been endowed and given to you by the very fact that you are the image of god you are the reflection of that divine spark you are absolute love you are absolute intelligence wisdom and it's all manifested through this amazing existence that we can't even begin to understand or even powers out what it means that we might accustom ourselves to a continual conversation with him with freedom and in simplicity this constant conversation make the divine a part of your mental makeup what does it look like to constantly have the thought of god in your mind well that means you don't just think to yourself or you think to yourself with a recognition of who it is that you're thinking too that that self that's watching the thought that self that you're thinking too is actually your beloved and so you sit in relationship with him and so when you're walking down the street you see a handsome man or a beautiful woman instead of you know sitting there and you know doing whatever playing it up you just talk to mother talk to your beloved wow you look great in that outfit ma i've never seen you never seen seen you look so great you know that's what taco was doing that's why takur when he saw prostitutes on that when the when those people tried to trick him that one time and sent those prostitutes to him he was in conversation with the beloved and he then saw the mother in them and he spoke to them with such a respect and such a reverence that these women were reminded of what they are and not what they appeared to be they were then reminded of that unified self within them that they had given up many many many years ago and they began weeping that's the effect of someone who lives in a constant conversation with the beloved someone that knows love is the one most important thing and someone who has made that one hearty renunciation to not become two people to let the senses go let the mind go and you stay rooted in that continual conversation with freedom and in simplicity freedom why because there's no want as you get established in that relationship you will find that it is the source of the happiness that you've blamed on lattes and nightclubs and good shoes and hikes that all of that joy and wonder that you've attached to all those things you will discover if you haven't already that all of that joy was a stand in for the presence of the beloved you know that when when one desire is fulfilled that momentary split of time where there is no other desire to replace it yet you feel the joy of a fulfilled desire it's not because the thing was fulfilled it's because for a moment you forgot to think about desire for the moment you were quiet and your natural beauty your natural bliss became apparent to you for a short while why because that next that next desire falls quickly behind the first one and that's how we get caught in this spiral so it's not letting that desire replace the bliss or distract you from your inner contentment not let that that promise of some glittering temporary thing take your eyes off of your inner freedom your inner contentment of needing nothing you know it's important to know this freedom that he's talking about it's not a freedom to do what you want if you want you're not free you're following something something is forcing you to act this way or to pursue that thing or to go to that place or to do this that or the other and those things always end up to be the cruelest of masters when they're given full voice you know look at the condition of the world we live in right now that's what happens you know when we don't when we don't find our inner contentment when we think we need another country to be happy to be fulfilled so to have this council this conversation continually with our beloved that it's always going on in your head you've built him into your thought process so you're in the grocery store you're just like hey talker do you think this would be good for lunch you know hey jesus what do you think about this thing here oh look at that headline on the star magazine taco what a shame [Laughter] whatever it is but you having that continual conversation with your ideal will one keep your mind pure you know keep you talking and keep your perspective pure and when i pure i don't mean you know some kind of you know icky goody goody two shoes pure i'm talking about being an authentic person being authentic to who and what you are you know when people when we split into multiple people inside we become disingenuous people can sense that duality in there that's why people don't trust some people because i just don't quite think he's fully on board i think there's another part of him that's in hiding that's gonna undo me you know so this is that this is that importance to touch that freedom of desirelessness by having that continual conversation which deepens that relationship and the faith in the fact that i am what i seek and that i can find all that i need here without having anybody else lose something in order for me to gain something that we need only to recognize god intimately present with us to address ourselves to him every moment that we may beg his assistants for knowing his will in things doubtful and for rightly performing those which we plainly see he requires of us so this is a wonderful little thing right here where he says that we need only to recognize god intimately present with us now how do you do that i'm going to go and share something again from what's his name the power of now eckhart tolle i hope my mind can hold on for 20 more years so eckhart tolle when he when when he goes on to say or actually it's it's not eckhart tolle it's it's um srinish maharaja that talks about the bliss that that manifests within you when you become aware of your awareness you know when you become aware of your awareness to what does that mean we i think we mentioned this last week most of us spend all of our time fully enthralled by the things changing by this changing world of the senses we walk down the street we're not aware at all of that part of ourself which is silently watching everything that part of us that's actually the receiver of all five of the senses that part of us which is watching all of the thoughts happen instead we're fully aware of the flashing signs of light and the menus on the front of the restaurants and how many people are in that restaurant what the smell is and like the fl just all of this stuff we spend our lives in the glitz and glam of change but he's saying here that all we have to do is recognize god present with us and what is that god is that unchanging ever pure ever free ever full self that's watching this whole outside world and so this is the practice of walking down the street and being more aware of your awareness of that silent watcher inside that needs none of this that actually can't even be touched by any of this and knowing that contentment knowing that freedom that you're you're not going to be hooked by all of these moving colorful flashing glamorous hooks that are everywhere to get your attention to get your money to get your whatever so he says that we need only to recognize god intimately present within us to address ourselves to him every moment and that is what happens with that awareness when you become aware of that awareness and you pray you play the role of the thinker as it were you know in that but you present yourself you present everything to the beloved that this is reminiscent of karma yoga where everything is done as an offering and in that way all of the things that you might feel an attraction to you can offer them immediately oh mother that makes me think of you oh i like that feeling that that's that that inspires in me you know show me that i don't need the object for that remind me that i carry that feeling that that image or that thing that object only reflects it back to me you know so you constantly present everything to the lord present all of your thoughts consciously this is what it means to live consciously and if you do it while being aware of the awareness within you being aware of the presence of god with you always that takes care of itself that will bring you to realization so he says that that's all we need to do that you only need to recognize god intimately present not just present but intimately present why intimately because the divine has been there for every intimate moment of your life he's been that which you were seeking in all of those intimate experiences in life he is he is aware of you before you are when you suffer and you get around to praying about it god was there when that suffering happened first and actually in reality it happened to him or her first before you cognated it before you became aware of it because you're the unreal part in that in that calculation you know god lives your life and there's a confusion that happens that produces you the personality you the ego self you know it's like god's playing frisbee with the world and every time that frisbee comes back you're the little yappy puppy that jumps up and grabs it before it gets to god and god has to then take the frisbee out of your hand you know and that's what causes us to feel like we have to tell god what we need that we have to tell god why we're sad and we have to pray for the things that we want because we forget that god is much more infinite than that that god wept before we began weeping god felt the pain of the situation before we registered the pain of that situation you know that god god intimately lives your life in tandem with you she knows she feels it it happened to her she felt that pain and you mirrored it and an ego took it as your own so i live in this kind of realization this kind of intimate communion as it were friendship lovership actually with the beloved that we need only to recognize god intimately present with us to address ourselves to him in every moment that we may beg his assistance for knowing his will in things doubtful when we're not quite sure what to do what's the right thing to do here and for rightly performing those which we plainly see he requires of us if we know something's right we have no hesitation in doing it even if we don't want to even if we just rather not we just do it that's it that's our surrender to do it immediately for knowing his will in things doubtful and for rightly performing those which we plainly see he requires of us offering them to him before we do them and giving him thanks when we have done them so it's that that knowledge that god has given you the existence has given you the mind has given you the body has given you the sense of self to live this life in communion in i don't like that word in deep relationship with him her that and that your faith and knowledge of that is a freedom from the bondage of breaking into multiple pieces freedom from the bondage of confusion that happens inside when we're not following god's will there's an old treasure of a statement it's that one like well i don't want to i want to be my own person well you being your own person is that that second person in your head because you are the divine person you are the divine spark that's who you are and to do god's will isn't to do some third person's will with the beard in the sky who's gonna you know roast you in the backyard barbecue for not doing it that's not necessary god is you in your true nature in your unconfused self and so to do god's will means to be an authentic person it means to do what you really want to do to do what really is beneficial to do what is truly satisfying to you as a person because all other things have to do with the changing impermanent world and all the satisfaction that they offer is short-lived and the pain that they offer lasts just a bit longer at least from my experience [Laughter] that you know that moment's pleasure gives you a whole weekend of regret and so remember that know that to be the case and have the beloved remind you in your conversation the next time you think that's what you want to do that in this conversation with god we are also employed in praising adoring and loving him incessantly for his infinite goodness and perfection constantly cleaning off the spots on our own view of god to go into a nice song of adoration why does god need songs of adoration of course not but we do because why because it reminds us of the tarnish what's behind the tarnished silver of our heart it reminds us of our ideal and you know how you know how you start singing if you just make up a song i don't think of course people do that people do that all the time you're singing you're making up a song you're making it up about god and as you get into it new metaphors come up and the new ideas and then you know you bust out and go a little bit higher you're like wow that was a really beautiful thought that was a really wonderful idea you know i find when i'm putting lectures together you know i'm trying to tired to tie in disparate scriptures together and suddenly i'll take something from the bible take something from from peace pilgrim and put them on the same page and read them together be like oh my god that's beautiful i've learned something something new has arisen in my mind that moved me forward that took me to a higher place that's the nature of this conversation with the beloved this conversation within having the mother there and you know it's really great i've used this a lot in dealing with depression you know 2008 i was diagnosed with severe depression i didn't pick the light easy one i picked the really horrible black and dark one and one of the major ways that i was helped was from this idea right here of taking my mind when it got really bad and sometimes it would just get like you would just believe that their sun was never coming up again i don't care what they say and you just have that darkness that that feeling of worthlessness or of you know despair that just comes out of nowhere for some reason but instead of saying i'm depressed i learned from the vedanta i learned from sri ramakrishna to say that i'm looking through a depressed mind i'm not depressed i'm without those attributes or i have all of those attributes but i don't have just depression so i'm looking through a depressed mind and so i hold the mind in my hand this is how i do it in my own in my own work i hold my mind in my hand and i say look at that ma look at look at that look how that feels can you imagine i remember one time i was doing that i said to ma you know in my mind i was like ma you know you really can't blame me if you if you were looking through that thing you would be just like i am and that was one of those epiphany moments for me that is the reality mother is looking through that mind mother is me as she looks through that mind we're not separate we're not two different things and she just gave me that little nudge like good thought kid stick with it go somewhere with that so when you have these troubles if the mind's in a condition if the body's in a condition if work is in a condition put it in your hand third party it the third partying it will remind you that it's not you third partying it reminds you that you're separate it can never affect you it can never touch you and then having a conversation with mother will keep it on track we'll keep that conversation on your ideal within the boundaries of what you think and what you know to be true to be beautiful to be inspiring and then that conversation happens and you learn about the mind you learn about your problem you learn about the situation and you'll know what to do because that's what god is he's that authentic truth that will manifest given the opportunity of the silence of your own ego stepping aside and letting that happen and so we start to spend our time in praise remembering this ideal adoring which is sharing our own love for this ideal and loving him incessantly i always like to think there was nothing i think seventh and eighth grade was the best years for falling in love you know there was nothing more special than than having your boyfriend or your girlfriend in seventh or eighth grade remember and just you you know if you've been going out for a while you might hold hands and just that crazy over-the-top feeling of what it is to hold someone's hand you know in that purity of youth like that this is that relationship with god this is that sweetness this is that purity this is what you were manifesting we talk about it in terms of romance and whatnot that has nothing very little to do with it that's that's a reflection of it that's the mirror image of it but the thing itself was in here all of the feelings all of the wonder all of the sweetness it was all in here and not because somebody put it there but because somebody reminded you that it was there and you called them your boyfriend or your girlfriend you know but in fact it was the sweetness of god that was being manifested in there and so you love him incessantly in that way you write him cards has anybody written a card to god it sounds juvenile but it's totally a great thing to do just like i remember from you know i always hesitate to talk this way i as a person talk freely about them but then people remind me i'm a swami and swami shouldn't talk about those things but there's this notion you know that that when you're falling in love with somebody what do you do you celebrate that how do you celebrate it you make them cards you write them poems you you pick up little trinkets at the store that you would never have picked up otherwise you're always thinking about ways of showing this person how much they mean to you or how much in love you are with them god is not an old doornail just for you to occasionally hang a book on you know god god is that lover and practicing that kind of relationship that kind of openness expression of adoration of love of appreciation writing him a card and you know mysteriously dropping it in the shrine to let come of it what may you know picking up something at the grocery store that you saw that you thought would be delicious and taking home and putting it on the shrine and not eating it yourself but giving it to the next person that comes to visit you as a reminder that that person is god and now you finally get to watch him or her eat it you know it's playing with life in a pure way it's coming with a new idea of what it means to be alive that you're not navigating the world alone you're not in trouble having to work things out by yourself in a manner of fear that you have a companion a companion that has a pure love for you that has nothing to do with anything you've done has nothing to do with anything you owe or think that you need to accomplish he's not off in the distance with his arms crossed waiting for you to realize him so that you can have fun together he's here now she's here now and intimately aware of the very secret thoughts of mind and heart there's no need to hide there's no need for shame in the presence of pure love for his infinite goodness and his perfection that without being discouraged on account of our sins but more good news without being discouraged on account of our shortcomings the mistakes we made okay i gave in i lost so what do you do now do you beat yourself up for three days so that you can't be happy in front of everybody you know do you let it shut you down so that any love that you did have generated within you is now dead and dying you know being beaten down because you made a mistake you know because you followed an old pattern or you got caught up in the moment do you then destroy the next moment also by holding on to that don't see that pure love unconditioned love gives you full permission to drop it admit it i made it i made a mistake and i hate that i do that i've done that so often i don't want to do it again believe yourself when you say that because love always believes always hopes always perseveres according to the letter that paul wrote to the corinthians and so your duty within yourself is when you say i'm not going to do that again even if you've done it 19 million times to date even though you're probably pretty sure in your mind that you're going to do it at some point again [Music] you don't then beat yourself up and identify as a hypocrite because then you've given the battery you've given that sense of eye to hypocrisy and now you've made an enemy of enemies what you do is you believe yourself as stupid as it is to believe that you're not going to do that again you believe yourself why because you're in the presence of divine love and eventually one day it is going to be the last time you've done it and you're going to be successful because god is your companion because god is your nature because strength is what you're made of bring about that unity that without being discouraged on account of our sins we should pray for his grace with a perfect confidence a perfect confidence in grace where does that confidence come from that perfect confidence not from you right that perfect confidence comes from the nature of grace the nature of mercy from an unconditioned love from love itself it's always wonderful to remember that this component of self this god within you is not loving he doesn't love you as an act he is love itself manifesting this divine personage that you carry within you is love itself he is not the verb of it and your confidence is because of that if it was an action or a condition you would doubt you'd be like well maybe this maybe i've done it one time too many you know not the case because it's not an act on the part of the beloved he is that itself and love cannot do but love there's nothing else there without being discouraged on account of our sins we should pray for his grace with a perfect confidence as relying upon the infinite merits of our lord jesus christ that god never failed offering us his grace at each action that he distinctly perceived it and never failed of it unless when his thoughts had wandered from a sense of god's presence or he had forgotten to ask for his assistance yes if you stay in this constant remembrance of god if you stay in the state of distinctly perceiving the presence that awareness within you that i am the name of god that you use every single time you say something about yourself i bring that up so many times but isn't that the coolest thing in the world i mean the bible says in in in the old testament that god's name is i am and we're told to chant god's name all the time and what we don't realize is that we do chant god's name all the time any time we say anything about ourself in the present we say i am hungry. we said the name of god and gave it hunger i am tired i am happy i am sad we're using the name of the lord all the time it's just a matter of becoming aware of it by knowing that we are that ephemeral shadow of the presence of god that it's our existence that that proves that existence and that we will not need to be afraid of falling you don't need to be afraid of that darker self that self that has addictions that self that has weaknesses you don't need to fear that self you have something deeper something unchanging that is your nature that you simply need to stay aware of and if that's the case where is any other thought going to come in you know rama swami prabhupada as i've shared often before always said that the knots of maya the knots of this confusion of life undo themselves in the light of awareness so when you become aware of that awareness within and you third-party your troubles the knots of those troubles will come undone of their own accord in that light of god and so as they come undone you have no fear because you'll be watching the mind and you'll see when it starts to take that first step in an unhelpful direction you'll feel that first tinge from the body and recognize that oh that's the thing that always gets me in trouble you know you'll catch it and you'll catch it when it's an infant you'll catch it before it's divided you before it's broken up your unity inside and created a second person who wants it so if you keep this close watch on your mind by this constant conversation with the beloved in simplicity and purity adoring and praising enjoying this world in the light of her eyes then these little seeds can't sprout these little nonsensical troubles can't rise up and cause you grief so work on that constant remembrance of the beloved that god always gave us light in our doubts when we had no other design but to ask to please him god always gives light why because he's light itself love and light that was one of the realizations of eckhart tolle do you remember that it's in the introduction of his books very one of the very first things you read he said that that you know he he also talks about that being two people do you remember that that in that enlightenment experience that he had he woke up so depressed in the middle of the night and he said to himself i can't live with this person anymore i can't live with myself anymore and he said that just that he heard himself say that and it just stuck out and punched him in the face he was like what who who is this i that can't live with myself am i two people you see he understood he had divided himself and that had that happened to be the cause of his depression you know that this person that that he had divided himself with was ego that had taken over his life and dragged him into the world he didn't want to be a part of you know made him value things he didn't want to value and to want things he didn't want to want but he says that as he pondered that and as he looked deeply at that became aware of the awareness became aware of the unity within him by questioning the duality he was seeing he says that that that that sense of bliss came over him that sense of bliss came over him and he spent the next several weeks i think maybe in several months in the park in bliss sitting on a park bench all day long just seeing light everywhere and one of the statements he made about the morning when he woke up is that he had seen he saw everything for the first time again he woke up and he saw the room as if he'd never seen it before and one of the things he said is he saw the light coming in the window from the sun and he knew and he emphasized that i knew that light and love were the same thing not that light was a manifestation of love but that light and love were the same thing so if you need something to make you aware of the presence of god notice the light everywhere around you all the time and know that it is the nature of god to provide that light to drive out those cd corners of mind the lonely corners of failure that god is that light by his nature and he always gives us light in our doubts when all we have to do is to ask just turn and say ma how about some light your daughter could use some light right now i could use some light that our sanctification did not depend upon changing our works but in doing that for god's sake which we commonly do for our own there it is karma yoga peeking out at us through the christian scripture or the christian practice here that it's not so much changing what we do you don't have to go and get a job for a non-profit you know making 3.95 an hour doing peanut butter sandwiches for the homeless shelter it's not what you do it's how you do it do whatever it is that you're doing for the sake of love for the sake of love you know i i this is i feel like i'm dragging out all my old furniture all the time but you know so when you go to your cubicle farm and you're 45 and depressed about being in a cubicle farm thinking oh my god i wanted to be a rock star and here i am in an accounting office you know instead of having that attitude understand that you're not an accountant you're a manifestation of divine light you're not at this job today in order to produce x number of books or push x number of pieces of paper across the desk give yourself a new purpose i'm here in this office to love i'm here in this office to manifest light that's why i'm here incidentally i'm an accountant and incidentally i'm a doctor incidentally i'm a trash man you know but i'm here my job is to love and to make people aware of love and and you've seen that youtube video right of the little kid that loves the trash man he runs out to see the trash man pick up the trash every day he's just he's running out every day but once a week he's thrilled and one day he goes out and the trash man actually gives him a hat and a jacket from the trash company oh that little kid is thrilled to death see that trash man understood he's not just a trash man he's there to love and he inspired a kid you know reached out to a total stranger and made a difference you know that kid will have that story for his whole life he'll never forget the day the trashman gave him a hat and a jacket so you too in this constant conversation that you're keeping alive with your beloved know that it's not a selfish act it's a selfless act because the mother will have you doing acts of light and love all the time because you'll start recognizing the opportunities you'll start recognizing the opportunities that now you don't even see because your mind is on the other side looking at all the change you know that our sanctification does not depend upon changing our work but in doing that for god's sake which we commonly do for our own that it was lamentable to see how many people mistook the means for the end addicting themselves to certain works which they performed performed very imperfectly by reason of their human and selfish regards that the most excellent method he had found of going to god was that of doing our common business without any view of pleasing men and as far as we are capable of doing them purely for the love of god that means turn everything that you're doing into an offering so if you're making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for the kids don't do it quickly to get it done get it out of the way and toss it in the bag and to them on the way out to the bus make that sandwich for your beloved invest in it put that put that big slather of peanut butter on there and pick out their favorite jam you know make sure it gets the big chunk of strawberry in it pop it on there put it together nicely you know clean the edges up a little bit slip it into that plastic bag and offer it here you are ma here you are here you are my beloved as you hand it to your kid well your kid would love to be called your beloved you know you're talking to the divine in them remembering that all things are holy you know so this this awareness of god it's bottomless of where it can take you its beauty is endless and its opportunity is here and now it's 8 35. are there any questions or things you want to say what happens to the service maybe it doesn't even belong there somehow we have lost in the world and ourselves and we come to the downtown so you're not the mind in our body this other thing and then you become that other thing maybe the fourth dimension whatever and so why don't you have to worry about the little 3d thing that's all wrong i'm not bad i'm not hung up on on my past i'm carrying my story around all the the things that i need to forgive well i would be busy forever trying to get forgiven the things that i've done move on yes and so there is a higher view that is very much the thing you're talking about here this is this is new but it's also very recognizable yes can somehow get into teaching right now yes it is yeah it's part of truth and it really the way i like to talk about it the way that it gets me excited about talking about it is this notion of the moment this here and now that this is all we experience is the here and now and the here and now does not contain our story the here and now does not contain our samskaras the here and now does not contain our destiny the here and now is purely the here and now it's always free it's always pure it's always infinite it's always you know beautiful uh sri nishigadakta says about the moment he says there are never problems in the moment actually it's eckhart toll they're all blurring there are no problems in the moment there's only obstacles things to overcome and they come one at a time they come one at a time and so in this moment don't bring your past into it you know god forbid i tell that scenario one more time but here we go [Laughter] you know what is your past anybody remember what is your past do you remember what it is oh good now i don't feel bad about saying it again your past is your attachments you know they are the things the things in the changing world that you tried to grab out of the stream and to share your immortality with by putting them in your mind putting them in your memory you know so your past is simply your attachments the things that you didn't want or couldn't let go of and what happens with them they affect your present right they prevent you from seeing the perfection of the present because the present doesn't contain all of your attachments you know so when your present doesn't contain one of your attachments you feel a sense of lack you feel a sense of imperfection a sense of need you're out of balance and what does that do it causes a future why what's your future anybody know what is your future partially your future is your desires that are caused by looking at the perfect moment through the lens of your attachments you see you look through the lens of your attachments at the perfect moment and it looks like it's lacking that produces a desire to fulfill your desire you need a future you gotta you gotta plan some way to make pizza manifest here and now so you're thinking okay i gotta go down and get in the car and i gotta drive down the street here to find a pizza hut you know so it all works together like that so if you can forget the past if you can say no i am and just there stop i am that's the only true thing necessary when you say i am hungry you've brought the body into it when you say i am depressed you've brought the mind into it say i am and remember that awareness within you it is the manifestation of your beloved love itself the light of your life the joy of your joy the fulfillment of your strength is present in you and is in this moment is in fact this moment that this is god this moment live there that's enough that's all there is and it's all you need it's beauty itself every act of beauty has appeared in the moment you know yeah you were describing your experience in 2008 while the depression and then he said is my mind looking from outside uh to get to that point did you have years of meditation prior yeah it didn't happen in 2008 actually uh it's still happening you know it's it is definitely uh you know which is why we keep reading these things over and over and over again there's this forgetfulness thing uh yes but the relief of knowing that there was that there that there was truth that was different from what i was experiencing took me a great way a long ways when i realized that the mind wasn't that i wasn't depressed that the mind was depressed just hearing that just just having that thought go through my mind produced a sense of freedom and an awareness that just because the mind was looking dark i didn't have to be dark you know i didn't have to participate i could simply recognize that that's that is a a an adjective of mind you know it's a descriptor of mind it's not a descriptor of me and so it made it optional and that was the first most important step for me was knowing that depression was optional and that i didn't have to buy into it and that with practice i grew a hope that i'm i can get out of this you know and and at this point the depression still comes but when it comes i'm like oh there it is you know i'm familiar up with with it now it's not that overwhelming like where the bottom falls out and just suddenly there's no hope it was like oh there you are i was wondering if you were gone forever and then you look at mother mother she's back give me some light what's the point of blaming yourself you see you see the point of who's blaming who there aren't two people in there so if that's not what you want don't blame yourself for it just stop it which is easier said than done but it's it's knowing that it's like say stop like who who's blaming me who's blaming me and what kind of what kind of nonsense is that that i'm blaming me why would i do that you know does blaming what does that change okay i'm guilty now what you know and the now what he covers right here you know that that uh we don't where does he say this without being discouraged on account of our sins we should pray for his grace in the moment and that's the faith that we work on we have to believe that that we have to give ourselves permission to set it down that which i'm blaming myself for you know give myself permission to put it down yeah it's true you got me but i'm done i'm putting it down and now now what you know now how about praising me for having put it down instead of blaming me for picking it up now you can praise me for putting it down [Laughter] you know so it's it's becoming aware of of what is in truth nonsensical you know stop thinking it's normal having two people inside and demand that unity under the light of love under the the strength of an absolute mercy an absolute grace it's not that you need god to forgive you is that you need permission to accept that forgiveness for yourself so you need to we need to start giving ourselves permission to be new to be fresh you know memories are random they're not the story they're not the truth about who we are and so vivekananda says keep reasserting that which you know is true i am ever free i'm ever pure i am love itself i am the outman you know just keep saying that over and over when you feel yourself blaming yourself i'm ever free i won't hear this i'm ever pure i won't hear this you know i am strength itself i won't accept this so whatever you need to tell yourself based on those ideas do it and give yourself permission to move on to be free all right try swamiji you