Video 12

Vedic Christianity, Class 12 · Practice of the Presence of God · Swami Chidbrahmananda

oh foreign [Music] oh [Music] oh [Music] is [Music] um [Music] i am ah [Music] is [Music] is is is [Music] ah is [Music] is foreign oh [Music] is is [Music] um [Music] [Music] under the russians [Music] a million forms of beauty and terror is [Music] [Music] when we see what we want to [Music] is [Music] all our lives [Music] is [Music] what we see [Music] is [Music] [Music] or something so [Music] when the shine of this world come to [Music] far away so far [Music] me [Music] [Music] lord in these [Music] only things me [Music] let me remember [Music] oh [Music] if [Music] let me forgive you [Music] oh [Music] brightly [Music] [Music] wrong [Music] you so hey hello ted good evening everyone so we're going to continue on here with the life of our brother lawrence in his practice of the presence of god and as an addendum earlier this week in one of our monastic readings at night there was a description of a rather long description but beautiful insight to the nature of these divine souls these enlightened souls who recognize and experience the presence of the divine or the beloved and how it changes their effect on the atmosphere around them the room around them the people around them and it said of swami brahmananda this is what i wanted to share just kind of as a comparison and contrasting to what we're reading from the inside out on brother lawrence it says of swami brahmananda by sister deva mata he rarely talked of himself and never mentioned the unceasing honors and attentions that were showered upon him wherever he went people came in large numbers to bow down at his feet and to beg for his blessings but it seemed to reach his consciousness only impersonally as if he had merely a casual acquaintance with the one who was being honored i recall a pilgrimage he made to the holy temple of kojivaram a gentleman living near the temple had given him the use of his house and servants another had provided a carriage for him the whole population had come out to welcome him and while he was there had sought to serve him his only comment when he returned to the monastery at mylapore was sister the image in that temple was so beautiful i wish you might have seen it there was a lofty dignity about him that called forth willing reverence it led his fellow disciples to give him the name maharaja which means great king swami ramakrishnan related to me that when they were still boys together at the temple of dakshineshwar swami vivekananda exclaimed one day let us call raqual maharaja they told sri ramakrishna he was very much pleased so from that time forward swami brahmananda was called maharaja yet he never commanded he always requested and left the person free to choose his own course of action everyone was so eager to please him however that his gentlest request had the carrying force of a command a silent reserve marked his manner at all times it actually made many fear him but this reserve sprang less from withdrawing than from an in-drawing he had a natural inward habit of thought and life which detached him from outward things occasionally it overpowered him completely and broke all connections with the external world one evening while he was at madras he went into samadhi that super conscious state during arity he sat on the rug at the far end of the hall his body motionless his eyes closed a smile of ecstasy playing about his lips swami ramakrishna was the first to observe that he did not move when the service was over realizing what had occurred he mentioned he motioned to one of the other swamis to fan his head in deep meditation the brain becomes very much heated for half an hour no one stirred a boy who was crossing the hall did not even draw back his foot perfect stillness pervaded the entire monastery a radiant pulsing stillness then swami brahmananda opened his eyes looked around in dazed embarrassment got up from his seat and went silently to his room and was not seen again that evening this interior world becomes more real than the exterior world when we manage to stumble upon that divine image of god that has been planted within us at that time of our knitting together i guess it would be then that stillness that unchanging nature within becomes more secure and stronger than anything of the senses which are always playing and always changing and never real never staying anything in particular for too long of a time before it moves on to being something else and in this world this external world when one begins to contemplate it we find it utterly insecure like right now if i ask you where you are it's funny because each one of us would give an answer and be very sure of it but when you broaden the picture we never know where we are where has the earth moved to in the last 24 hours where has the solar system that it's riding in moved to in the last 24 hours where is the galaxy that that solar system is revolving in moved to in the last 24 hours all of it you never know where you are you always know that you're just ever somewhere different even this stationary place that we're in is only relatively stationary we're spinning it thousands of miles an hour around an axis on a on a trip around the sun and that's just the local geography it gets bigger and more and more crazy the deeper and farther you go and so this is the world of the senses that we're trying to carve out a reality in and finding it very difficult to do nothing stabilizes nothing is secure all the pleasure we find lasts but a few seconds all of the stability we manage to gather together is undone at the next mood change or the next condition change the next relationship change and round and round it goes and so the sages stopped looking externally and began to look deep within and this is where we find swami brahmananda and tonight uh swami uh swami swamy lawrence brother lawrence is going to share some beautiful insights about his maintaining this wonderful in-drawn piece that he enjoys as a transcendent peace that transcends understanding he says if sometimes my thoughts wander from the divine presence by necessity or from sickness i am presently recalled by inward motions so charming and delicious that i'm ashamed to mention them i desire your reverence to reflect rather upon my great wretchedness we read that didn't we anyway to reflect rather upon my great wretchedness of which you are fully informed then upon the great favors which god does me all unworthy and as ungrateful as i am so this notion that he's called back inward that you know we talked in the past it took him 15 years to to initialize this state to find a steadiness in this constant in drawn remembrance and experience of the presence of god within and when sickness or necessity or something draws him out of that space brings him out of his center he says that he's called back to this center his own soul delighting in that state calls him backward back into it emotions so charming and so delicious that i'm ashamed to mention them so this practice becomes this beauty in time you know we've mentioned in the past that the beginning of all of our practices start out as imagination creating god as an imaginary friend who kind of is there when we need him and we when we do our prayers and our special you know practices that he's right there but really he's more of a concept more of an idea he's not something we touch taste smell or hear but as that that imagination prepares a space in the mind the divine mother god inhabits that space and through that toe in the door that you have given the divine the opportunity to manifest through you soon realize there's something very deep there something very real there that you had projected over with imagination and this comes to life within you so we're going to pick up here in the third letter which is actually where we are tonight that little bit was an introduction from last week's i was on the wrong page so in the third letter he says we have a god who is infinitely gracious and knows all of our wants you know we come back to this again and again and as many times as i focus on it and think about it you know even this week i experienced the lack of it the trust in this grace you know we run into conditions of self but with that we think god could never if you if he really knew me you know or we we fall into our same vices that we've been falling into for 50 years and we think we're too embarrassed even to approach that divine nature within we're too embarrassed even to look at the divine and to face god within and that's where that's why sri ramakrishna says that faith is the root of everything you have to have faith in what not just god that's that's at the beginning god becomes self-evident after a very short time of practice no it's faith in grace it's faith in the mercy and the love of god to learn of a love that's unconditioned a love that we've not seen in the world that we don't see from people or things even pet dogs as much as they seem to we don't have an understanding of this infinite grace of the divine so it's a marvelous place to dwell and brother lawrence is talking about living in that space where you're constantly aware of this grace this invitation to be free to be at peace with god to be intimate with the divine in this inner world the world that happens before the senses that happens before the reflection on the mind and that he knows all of our wants what what he's pointing at there is a couple of things that god is not other than our inner self that it is actually the divine self that's living this life that god experiences you before you do you come to yourself as an afterthought ego forms a split second later so your sense of self is just slightly behind what's going on psychologist psychiatry sciences has demonstrated that a thought is born in the mind before you're aware of it that it actually happens way back i don't know i don't know the names of those places but it happens way back there they can actually catch it you know forming and then you become aware of it the divine nature within you is at the formation of that thought it is the source of that thought so to say god knows your desires is not like he's your best friend that you just got off the phone with and you told him everything that you were looking for and hoping for he lives your life before you do the embarrassment you feel about your vices she feels she knows the insecurities that you feel about your place in life about what you know and don't know god experiences in that your longings as confused as they may be god sees the true root of them and sees the true aim of them and understands the delusion of mind that you're in when you chase these frivolous things of the changing world he knows what you're looking for and that presence is always steady it's the guarantee that you will come to this knowledge one day it's yours by birthright not by favor by birthright god has made you him like himself or herself manifested a life through you and your life is but one description of god how so as god is love and your life is a finger drawing of love through the changing waters of this time and space every decision that you make in the day is based on what you love what you want what you're longing for should i go to this restaurant or that restaurant well who cares except that you like this one more you have a better memory a better experience a better something so we're always moving in that positive direction we think it's restaurants and foods and pleasures and enjoyments and friends but in the end in our maturity we realize it was the divine that we saw and god knows that from the beginning as you are in your delusion and that separation that you feel that that pain that suffering of chasing after wind in this world is that pain of confusion that pain of separation when the soul drifts apart from its divine nature and that pain is meant to pull you back to bring back that unity to to to uh sri nishrika maharaja says all pain is is an invitation to inquiry find the attachment within find the wrong thinking of trying to grab things that don't last of trying to build happiness and joy on conditional things that aren't real that will eventually be potting soil so this assurance from brother lawrence who at this point i think has been in this state for almost 30 years he says that we have a god we have we are the possessors of the divine nature we have a god who is infinitely gracious and knows all of our wants i always thought that he would reduce you to extremity he will come in his own time and when you least expect it hope in him more than ever thank him with me for the favors he does you particularly for the fortitude and patience which he gives you in your afflictions it is a plain mark of the care he takes of you comfort yourself then with him and give thanks for all so this beautiful instruction that he's giving to who whomever he's writing this letter to he says he will come in his own time and when you least expect it hope in him more than ever thank him with me for the favors he does you so it's this living in that awareness living in that awareness of this presence of god feeling your separation through ignorance it's not that he's not there you're just calling his presence something else or just not paying attention to it because his presence the presence of god is your existence the presence of god is your ability to love and to recognize love your the presence of god is your ability to understand as this maya throws things against the wall of the senses in the mind your ability to make sense of it your ability to see story in it your ability to learn lessons through it that is a gift to you of the intelligence that is divine that ability to see and to learn so he's sharing with her to think about these things live in these things and develop that awareness of them so that this gratitude becomes a way of life this gratitude turns into inspiration and inspiration turns into virtue and virtue straightens the way and allows you to see things as they are and no longer as you hope them to be so she he says thank him with me for the favors he does you particularly for the fortitude and patience which he gives you indeed i'm just talking about those vices of 50 years you know any lover who didn't have infinite love who wasn't love itself would have long ago smacked you upside the wall and walked out on you he would have done what you do to yourself you know i can't you can't forgive yourself you lose yourself an embarrassment and you try to escape your own self whether that's through going out and partying or calling a friend or you know going to bed going to a movie all of these things in this world are distractions for when we can't stand ourself anymore when we just can't take it anymore we're tired of our delusions we're tired of the things that haven't worked we're tired of constantly clawing and getting nothing god is there within in that silent space where you have not yet looked because it can't be seen it can't be looked at you see your nature this this presence of god this image of god can't be objectified because it's behind the senses you use the senses to grab and study you know you apply all five of them to learn where your eyes are and where your hands are and what this desk is and how heavy it is and how it moves but when we come to know the divine within he's behind the senses he's you before senses he's you before mind so what tool will you use to study the divine to study your own nature what tools do you use when you study your face mostly intuition you can look in a mirror and see a reflection of it but you're never going to see your own face and yet you have a faith in it an abiding knowledge of its existence because it's intuited and this presence of the beloved within you is the same and so in silence you become aware of wisdom within in silence you become aware of presence the the idea of existence comes to the forefront he says i admire also the fortitude and bravery of mr such and such god has given him a good disposition and a good will but there is in him still a little of the world and a great deal of youth i hope the affliction which god has sent him will prove a wholesome remedy to him and make him enter into himself see this is the clue about understanding what goes on in this world you see this world is not a random series of events that we just have to bounce our way through and make it out somehow this world is scripture you're living within the bhagavad-gita within the quran within the bible this world is born of those principles born of those ideals and so when you violate those principles that's when life becomes troublesome that's when things become unfulfilling when things become hollow when things become painful when you start breaking out from this this presence of the divine which is in itself its own perfect harmony when you start hitting those wrong notes by chasing after things that aren't real to fulfill needs that are eternal that's when pain comes that's when hurt comes and you see any of our success comes from the divine comes from being able to learn and being able to see and be able to understand to develop wisdom within through that satchitananda through that intelligence which is the presence of god within us through that love which is the presence of god within us through being which is the presence of god he says i hope the affliction which god has sent him will prove a wholesome remedy to him because that's the point of every affliction that comes your way use it to grow use it as a remedy the suffering in your life sit there and look at it until you can understand the wisdom that sits in it so that you can respond properly and what is that proper way to make you enter into yourself to finally take refuge in the divine alone to find that inner peace to find that inner harmony to find that inner space and to go there for your comfort no longer to your friends no longer to the movies no longer to the clubs no finally you turn within and you find that eternal abiding peace within and the better you get at silencing the mind and sitting in peace within that space the deeper and more profound that experience becomes the more beauty you see the deeper it goes and the more you trust and know that this is your birthright ever present ever free ever pure i hope the affliction which god has sent him will prove wholesome in its remedy to him and make him enter into himself it is an accident which should engage him to pull to put all of his trust in him who accompanies him everywhere that's the beauty of this relationship with the beloved is that it has no limits you are always welcome as the child of the beloved as the scriptures describe it to our to our ignorant minds we see ourselves as a child of god and to know that in that relationship there's no separation the lord will never fail you you know i've mentioned in the past that for god not to be not to to be you not to be so present that virtually there is no separation that if he ever took one step away from you you would cease to exist god is existence if you're existing god is present if you know love god is present if you're able to think god is present it's you who take your eyes and attention off of that inner divinity that inner space of peace and go out to the senses to the world for your temporary fixes unnecessarily you'd need nothing out there which is a good thing because you can't get anything out there there's a chasm between that self within you that's looking out through your eyes at this moment and the things that it sees it can't actually grab anything it can only be told about grabbing by your hand your hand reports it through the nerves to this presence of god within you it can only describe the world to yourself you can never have the world you are the observer alone like in a dream we always come back to that dream in a dream you can experience so many things but do you what can you bring to this world from a dream all the experiences and things that you pick up in your dream at night you have to leave them in the dream world why because they're not real that's what the nature of death is here it's waking up from this dream this assembly of senses and mind so don't be a fool to think oh i'll take something with me i'll find some permanent happiness i'll find something important here and i'll be able to take it to my next waking state don't be the fool this place is designed to give you wisdom to turn you within yourself to find that eternal place that unchanging nature ever secure and ever free so he says he accompanies you everywhere let him think of him as often as he can especially in the greatest dangers a little lifting up of the heart suffices a little remembrance of god one act of inward worship though upon a march and a sword in hand are prayers which however short are nevertheless very acceptable to god and far from lessening a soldier's courage in occasions of danger they best serve to fortify it so this whole notion that every little step that you take toward god i mean ramakrishna says what for every step you take toward god the divine takes ten steps toward you so it's not that he's just some distant god that's like hey over here marco it's not like that this divinity is is it is it is the intimacy we seek in our most intimate moments you know it is the intimacy that we're longing for in lovers and friends and parents and family that relationship with the beloved is that exact thing that you're longing for you know we've come to a state though where we think this outer world to be real we think we're going to find something there and we keep substituting this real nature with this false changing world of thinking world of thoughts right everything that happens in this world is it's just a thought it's unreal thoughts cannot make you happy they can entertain you for a while keep you distracted so give some thought go inward try every now and then to close your eyes close out the senses shut the mind up for a moment if it's possible at least just begin to watch it with some disinterest and begin to learn and feel that separation feel that chasm between you and mind pay attention to the fact that you watch your mind that's a huge clue that the mind is not you you're watching the mind it talks to you so it by necessity cannot be you the senses everything you touch is told to you become aware of that become intimately aware of that and understand the implications of it it can never give anything to you it's only a thought by the time you touch this table it's been converted into thinking i dare say it was always thinking it was never material which is why science can't find a definition for the material because there is none it's an idea it's the crystallization of an idea let him then think of god the most he can the most that you can so these are our instructions think of the divine as much as you can try and tie the idea of god to everything when you look in someone's eyes stand there and look at them and try and separate out the body from the person look into the eyes and try to identify that which is looking through them at you because that same i the capital i that is looking through those eyes at this apparent you is the same eye that's looking out from you at that apparent other it's the same you in both people it's the same you in everyone that you meet come to know that by observing it these things you know in the vedanta in particular are beautiful in the sense that they're not you don't have to just believe this it's not like oh this is the way it is believe it or you lose the game no i'm just telling you these things you don't have to believe me at all but believe just enough to go and find out for yourself begin paying attention try and stop the distractions try and stop being caught away by this constant flux of color and sound and smell and taste and touch try to get some sobriety from yourself from your senses try and try and put them off for a while and come down from this frenetic energy of constant change just enough so you can start paying attention to the real experience of being so that you can come down to that space where you can actually see things as they are and not as you are begging them to be because of what this separation has done to you the constant pain that you suffer the constant insecurity that you battle the constant fear of unknowing that you don't even become aware of anymore because you buried it so deep under all of your distractions sober up he's saying begin now just as little as you can but do something to find that inner sobriety that inner stillness that inner strength that is the sweetest of love the sweetest of existences the most trustworthy of intimacies let him then think of god as much as he can let him accustom himself by degrees to this small but holy exercise so begin as small as you want it doesn't have to be big and grand at the beginning of course that's sort of the american way we like things big and grand we want absolute renunciations we we want to we want to do it in a second but you know start slowly when i started my spiritual practice i tell people i did it two minutes twice a day because i knew i knew that that's all i could do and i also then made rules i said you know i can't ever increase it by more than half and i can't do it in less than a month so i have to faithfully do my two minutes twice a day for a whole month and then i can add it and go to three minutes now why did i do that because i'm an arrogant idiot and i knew that i would try and do two hours you know i would try to start and then i would do two hours one time and then i would dread the next time because i'd like oh god now i've got to sit down for another two hours and then what would happen the whole thing would fall apart right so understand that about yourself know these things and he says here in small steps small degrees god's grace has you fully covered anywhere this is not for anything this is not an achievement it's not a thing you have to get it's not a thing that you're in danger from that god is going to come you know come up with odd ways of punishing you forever because you didn't do it that's a complete misunderstanding of scripture of the reality of the divine god is there already your inner world that energy that that gives you life that presence of god that is love it's there now this moment so you're not getting anything it's a journey of awareness to become aware of a reality to become unaware of the way things really are that they're not this contorted mess of ideas that you've assumed them to be so let him accustom himself by degrees to this small but holy exercise no one will notice it you know which is a good thing if we start doing it because we want someone to notice it i remember i remember as a brahmacari you know going into the shrine when nobody else was there to do my meditation and how happy i was when i heard somebody walk in the auditorium knowing that they were going to see me there you know when nobody else is there you know it's like or to be the first one in for the meditation then you can leave whenever you want because nobody knows how short of time you've spent there you know this is the ego this is that terror that we live under and he's saying counter it by taking simple small steps that are just for yourself in the privacy of your own being not for the demonstration or the achievement of anything just you and love alone in the room for a moment yes what can i what what can that person tell to himself well genuinely feels those things is is you can't say that because no one would genuinely feel something like that you're intoxicated by it intoxication is never genuine it's always a fake thing and so really the best thing is to notice it that's all don't judge it don't cognate about it don't try and explain it about yourself don't feel bad like oh my god i'm such a loser i'm so arrogant i'm so this that or the other no just notice it that awareness itself will fix it because it's not your nature to be that way that's not what you are that's not the important thing about you so by noticing it it will diminish in its own accord swami prabhupada used to tell me that again and again he says the light of awareness itself will untie the knots of maya will untie the knots of this confusion so just becoming aware so i uh you know i'm a little kinder to myself than just being aware of it i like to chuckle at it i like to roll my eyes and chuckle and my my weaknesses my my misbehaviors my delusions when you see them that's all chuckle look at mother and say can you imagine and just move on don't give it much time become aware of it and move on that's the best way no one will notice it and nothing is easier than to repeat often in the day these little internal adorations these little flirtings with the divine you know because this relationship with god this relationship with the divine however you however you want to think of that however you want to place that you know the scriptures say god can be your child god can be your wife god can be your lover god can be your brother or your sister it can be your your your father your mother you know your grandmother your grandfather all these variations god god in that relationship within you it's yours it's yours but develop it grow into it let it become your own relationship you know that wonderful poem by rabia that i like to share where she says my whole life i've been crying out to god and he never answered and i got to a little bit suspicious and thought maybe i'm not calling him by the right name that could be the only that's the only explanation i've been calling out and he's not not answered she says so i crafted my own nickname for god and the last line of her poem she says and that has made all of the difference so what's your name for god you know my grandfather used to call my grandmother chicken hey chicken you know so maybe your name for god is hey chicken you know hey tucker hey sweetheart hey sugar cakes hey dumpling [Laughter] make a name for god that only you know so that when god hears it only he knows and enjoy that fun enjoy that relationship enjoy that grace count on it little by little in small internal adorations he says say a flirty thing you know walk into the shrine instead of being concerned about laying out flat on the ground and whatnot give talkward a little wink use your special name tell them you're glad to be here what an opportunity thanks this is going to be so great to spend some time with you and then sit in your meditation not to accomplish something what do you have to accomplish not to achieve something what can you achieve we just said there's nothing in this world you could get stop it yeah god realization what is that it's not a thing it's only knowing what you've always had in your pocket what kind of accomplishment is that it's the release from being a fool there's nothing great about knowing who you are that's what realization is so don't chase after an obvious thing as if it's the crowning achievement of your life it was the grace of god fulfilled that's all you finally shut up long enough for it to become apparent to you that god and you have never been apart have never been separated so enjoy god like you enjoy the world but it's the real thing not coca-cola [Laughter] so he says recommend him if you please that he think of god the most he can in the manner here directed it is very fit and most necessary for a soldier who is daily exposed to the dangers of life i hope that god will assist him and all the family to whom i present my service being theirs and yours so this notion you know in a sense all of us are soldiers and i mean he's really a soldier so he's out there you know under constant threat so it's important for him to find that but so are you in a sense the sufferings of your life are always there waiting for you the bad days the bad bad relationships whatever the breakups these things as we suffer through life they're always there so hold on hold on to that inner self not something borrowed don't grab a thing of the senses that make a dependence on something external something that you have to pay for or go and get i remember one time talking to swami prabhupada about drugs who was at houston smith and just put out a book on drugs and spirit on the use of drugs and spiritual practices and uh i was asking swami i said you know somi said what about drugs like what about that euphoria that one can experience that god experience that many people claim to have on these different different drugs i said what what is that is that real can you see god that way and it was interesting because i expected him to say no that's trash don't stay away from it he said oh see yes all bliss in this world is god all enjoyment in this world and it's in its fundamental nature is god he said but see that's not the point of vedanta god is not the point of vedanta the point of the vedanta is freedom to be free if you have to go to a substance to experience your divinity you are not free you're beholden to a substance you'll have to pay for it you'll have to buy it you'll have to have it you'll have to maintain it he says vedanta this inner spirit is about freedom own that in yourself do the work so that you can have that bliss and that vision of god because it's yours not because you've borrowed it through the senses so don't develop habits in the world that bring you little moments of bliss do the work these small little steps to find it inside yourself become that self-dependent person who stands in security it stands in security not stands in security so he says yes pass these words on to him then he begins a fourth letter he says i've taken this opportunity to communicate to you the sentiment of one of our society concerning the admirable effects and continual assistances which he receives from the presence of god let you and me both profit by them so again i i suspect he's third personing himself for his own safety from ego that i've taken the opportunity to communicate to you the sentiments of one of our society someone in the room some company concerning the admirable effects and the continual assistances which he receives from the presence of god let you and me both profit by them you must know his continual care has been for about forty years past that he has spent in religion to always to be always with god and to do nothing to say nothing to think nothing which may displease him and this without any other view than purely for the love of him and because he deserves infinitely more so this is that relationship and now we know for sure he's talking about himself because it's been 40 years so he just betrayed it here his continual care has been for 40 years all right so this man brother lawrence has been working on the awareness of god for 40 years and he has done that by doing nothing saying nothing thinking nothing which would displease him now of course my christian self anyway jumps up and be like oh here we go again we have to please god you know god you know this this giant toddler in the sky that i always have to serve and keep him happy otherwise my life is miserable that's the framework we're often put into for these things and so we feel a little rebellious we think well what about me what about what i want to say what i want to think what i want to do well the point of this is for you to understand that that is you this divinity within that you've separated yourself from is the real you and its nature is love so it's not a personality that you're trying to please it's not a personality that you're trying to demonstrate love for by not doing anything that would displease god what you're actually doing is nothing that would violate love to say nothing that isn't motivated by love to think nothing that isn't motivated by love without any other view than purely for love love for its own sake we don't want god as a concept we want god as love in its purest form it's unconditioned form it's form that's not dependent upon anything so this is that practice to keep that presence of god to keep the presence of love the very nature of yourself always in view and always be actuated from that authentic sense of being which is compassion which is service which is the joy of grace the joy of love for its own sake to always be with god and to do nothing say nothing and think nothing which may displease him and without any other view then purely for the love of love and because he deserves infinitely more love god is not loving we've talked about that right god is love nothing greater than that it's not because he's magical and big it's because he's pure love he is love he cannot act separate from that he is love he is existence it's not that god exists it's that god is existence which changes everything if something exists know that you're seeing god that aspect he is now so accustomed to that divine presence that he receives it from it continual suckers upon all occasions [Laughter] so this picture immediately of like this big fat pig laying in the stall and like you know like 10 different little piglets all suckering you know when mama's mama's always available whenever they want or need anything so he's drawing that same image as kind of odd as it is especially my eyes my ears this notion of the god always being available for sucker you know for for nourishment for strength for peace for enjoyment for a good laugh for a moment away from the day you know sit down don't go to happy hour be happy hour within your own self but you must know his continual care has been for about 40 years oh wait we've heard that he is now so accustomed to this divine presence after 40 years of practice that he receives from it continual suckers upon all occasions all the time he's being lifted up he's become so intimate with love itself that just the thought of it makes his hair stand on end puts him into that inner ecstasy of awareness of this this bottomless pit of divine love that has no end someone think of it i mean god according to this is a lover whom you will fall in love with for eternity you will never love god completely because you will never know love completely because it's always bigger it's always deeper it's always more sincere it's always more unconditioned than what you just assumed and so forever from this moment on forever you will grow in this ecstasy of love you will grow in this ecstatic understanding of your own divinity and it will become ever more real to you as you drink from it for your existence for about 30 years his soul has been filled with joy so continual and sometimes so great that he is forced to use means to moderate them and to hinder their appearing outwardly this uh you know i hate to dangle carrots in front of people it feels kind of mean but this is a heck of a carrot right here you know that after 40 years okay 40 years is a long time but you know what 40 years is going to pass for you whether you're doing anything or not so just determine right now to spend the next 40 years enjoying your inner presence with god your inner companionship with the beloved you know for me right now i can think oh my god 40 years ago i was 17. i was already i was already a big boy 40 years ago what have i done you know he for 40 years did this easy practice of thinking god continually i didn't even get started till i was 35. you know so spend your life building something one small step at a time but today don't let it pass tomorrow wake up determined not to let it pass without making a little bit of an investment two minutes somewhere in that day in the presence of divine love to allow yourself the foolishness of thinking that god loves you to allow yourself to trust dangerously that god accepts you as you are because he sees you as you are not as you think you are god is intimately aware of your enlightened self and will wait as long as he needs to wait for you to wake up to it he is now so accustomed to that divine presence that he receives from it continual suckers upon all occasions for about 30 years his soul has been filled with joys so continual constant he has attained constant joy just from knowing of this presence knowing the nature of reality within which he's immersed so continual and sometimes so great that he is forced to use means to moderate them to hinder their appearance outwardly now why would you have to do that because of that dumb ego right that dopey dog the ego is always sitting there just waiting to i've done something i am something i'm important and builds up this alternate sense of self that's separate from god and it uses successes it uses these gifts of god as evidence of its own doing of its own earning of its own achieving right and through that building up of this ego it puts another brick in the wall between itself and its awareness of god so the more stuff you take credit for in yourself the more stuff you show off to your neighbors about your relationship with this beloved internally the longer it's going to take be for you to experience this continual joy of ecstatic bliss because your ego is getting bigger and the ego is the veil the ego is the reason you can't see god this very moment it's the only reason you think you exist separate and apart from god and it's that thought alone that prevents you from enjoying god enjoying the beloved you've made a very wrong assumption and it's become habitual it's become chronic and it's time to start dancing a different step to move toward that inner world let go of this outer world and its promises that are never fulfilled and move toward the promises you make to yourself become that person of integrity that person of strength that person of service and compassion is not given to moods not given to limitations not given to restrictions not given to wrong ideas about what you are and learn to dance come up with that special name for god and go forward and that's where we'll stop for tonight jaima jaita khurjai swamiji are there any online questions or anything no okay you